I Am Going To Steal Boris Karloff's Look From 'The Black Cat'

I am going to steal Boris Karloff’s look from the 1934 Universal horror film The Black Cat. I mean, have you seen this guy? He may keep the corpses of dead women preserved in his basement for weird Satanic experiments, but the man is a total snack. The movie’s only 63 minutes, but I could look at him for 63 years. Before we get any further, let’s break down each element of said fit:

- Silver hair, perfectly coiffed in a V-shape that boldly shows off his strong brow and forehead.

- Eyeliner. Brings out those giant eyes perfectly.

- A black turtleneck, nothing too tacky, plain and simple, cutting a circular line around his neck and conveying the essence of high class, but completed by…

- …the black bed jacket with a white stripe running down its open face. Looks comfy.

Gives a nice air of relaxation that offsets the high class posh of the turtleneck and lets you know he’s actually a real cool guy.

- A pair of loose black pants.

- Shadows. They may not be clothing, but the way they arc and reflect off the architecture of his bone structure is something we should all aspire to achieve.

Later on, he also wears:

- A more decadent bed robe with a giant cuff and collar. Look, you have to stunt on ‘em sometimes, and it’s all the better when it’s your old war buddy played by Bela Lugosi who you betrayed and left in a prison camp for 15 years.

- Satanic robes and necklace. Okay, probably the most problematic part of the fit given how he tries to sacrifice a woman to Lucifer while wearing them, but let’s be real here. If I had that Morningstar necklace on in public, people would come up to talk to me. It’s a great conversation starter and it probably also gives you weird demonic powers; why wouldn’t you wear it?

Here’s the thing. Imagine it’s the dead of night in your art deco mansion/castle that you

designed. You hear a knock-knocking coming from downstairs. You’re in the bed you also designed with large see-through sheets surrounding its four sides so when you sit up in bed tonight, the light from the moon silhouettes your profile. You walk down the overdesigned spiral staircase and who is it but the aforementioned war buddy and a young, hot couple ready to be torn apart by your Hellish Master from Below. You don’t want them to run, but you don’t want them to feel like you aren’t in charge. But you’re wearing… regular old pajamas. No menace or charm, no way of embodying the dangerous allure you possess. What. A. Schmuck.

Let’s say you’re wearing the aforementioned fit. Then you’re somebody. Someone with secrets waiting to be revealed. I’m an uninteresting, boring guy with no secrets. But if I took Karloff’s look, my visage would create intrigue. Shadows across my face in broad daylight… I’d be the talk of the town. And likely thought of as weird and creepy. Especially with the Satanic robes. But something’s better than nothing, right?